Thursday, 7 July 2016

Lifestyle | 8 Things To Get You Through A Break Up




A few months ago I was hit by the single train and suddenly found myself a member of the meal for one crew...

I'd been with my ex 6 years, and although we both knew it was a long time coming, I wasn't quite prepared for how difficult singletown was going to be.

The first week was pretty much a blur of on and off tears, conversations with ANYONE who would listen (sorry to all those unsuspecting strangers that unknowingly asked me how my day was going ha!) and a lot of few drinks with friends. 

Thankfully though, with a bit of time it does get so much easier, and you end up surprising yourself with just how quickly you can adjust (and more importantly enjoy life again!).

So for today's post I wanted to share 8 things I did that helped me get through it. 



1. Say YES to as much as possible!

One of the most important things to do when you're first going through a break up is to keep yourself as busy as a blue arsed fly - because lonely evenings are not your friend during this period! Now's your time to say yes to any random things that come your way. Found yourself out at a random 90's pop night after work, dancing away to cheesey tunes? Good! You're doing it right.

If you can't actually go out then just give people a call - sometimes being left with your own 'AHHH my life is over' thoughts can be unhelpful, and just a short call with a friend or family member can balance things out and put things into a much happier perspective. 


2. Get a bad ass sports hobby

You might not think that finding yourself a sports hobby is your thing BUT let me tell you, there's nothing quite so rewarding as throwing caution to the wind and rocking up to the local canoe club on a random Tuesday night. Had I ever done any water sports before? Was I even the sporty type? Nope, not even a little.  But it didn't matter - single life had given me the confidence to try new things and step out of my comfort zone... so I thought why the hell not?

It was pretty amusing for the club when I showed up that evening in heels and a dress, expecting some sort of changing facilities. Even funnier when we had to put up a tent for me to get changed in whilst holding it in place battling with (what felt like) gale force wind. But soon enough I was sat in my own canoe on the river, looking out into the beautiful view and absolutely shitting myself about falling in. It was all fine though, and by the end of the session I was already looking forward to my next one and felt pretty bad ass! Gabby 1 Break up 0

3. Watch/Read some of Helen Fisher's Ted Talks or work.

Helen Fisher (who's an advisor for match.com) has done some great work on love and break ups. Her stuff really helped me to understand why I was feeling so low, even when I knew deep down the break up was for the best. Once I started to think of my heartache as an unavoidable chemical reaction in the brain, it made me accept it was something I was just going to have to deal with until my brain chemicals sorted themselves out. The pain was there, but I understood it - and somehow that helped.

Her work also helped me to realise that most humans go through heartbreak and how normal the whole process is - which made me feel much less alone. 



4. Eat what the hell you want

Now that you're single you can enjoy being absolutely selfish when it comes to mealtime choices. Might not seem like a hugee win.. but we often find ourselves eating what the other person wants and it's actually pretty good being able to pick whatever YOU like for tea and experiment with your culinary skills! I've been enjoying trying some veggie stuff that the ex was never into, not to mention there's no one to stop me coating everything in truffle oil (which I'm borderline obsessed with!).

And it doesn't stop at home, you might need to watch the pennies after a break up but I would definitely recommend treating yourself to a few nice breakfasts or lunches out as a tasty mood booster.  Just yano, prepare yourself for the waitress asking "just you today?.." *cries deeply into napkin*


5. Make a break up feel-better list


I've always been one for a good 'ol list and break ups are no exception! Making yourself an emergency feel-better list can be a really useful pick-me-up for when you're having a down moment/day. Create it on an app on your phone for instant access and relief from your negative thoughts.  I had several lists which helped me such as:

- Reasons why the break up needed to happen - keep adding to it as the days pass and new realisations kick in. It helps to skim through the list and remember all the bad stuff about the relationship, especially when all you can seem to remember are the good times from a year ago! Having all the reasons written down in front of you can definitely bring a bit of mental clarity.

Friends and family to see - to help remind you of all the great people still in your life!

New GOOD things to focus on - Ok you've now got some extra time for yourself, so make a list of all the great things you can now achieve and focus on! These can include anything from hitting the gym goals you've always wanted, doing some volunteer stuff, getting involved in new hobbies which interest you, being better at work... extra free time means extra you time. Think of how you can spend it wisely to feel good and even improve your life.

6. Reconnect with old friends


We all get so busy with our own lives (especially when you've got another half that you feel guilty about ditching on a friday night) but a breakup gives you a good excuse to get together with some people you've not seen in a while, like old school/uni buddies (especially those who live further away). People are more willing to make plans than usual when they know you're going through something difficult - so use the opportunity to organise some epic nights! 

Just remember, do keep in touch with these people - it may be generally accepted that living far away/having busy lives makes it hard to see each other - but don't be the girl that only makes the extra effort until she meets Mr Right again. I always felt throughout my time with my ex that it was always his friends we had to see on weekends, which meant I never got to see some of mine as much as I wanted to. I wont ever make this mistake again - relationships should be equal so keep making effort with old friends even after you meet someone else.

7. Make a break up playlist


It's funny because when you first go through a break up you suddenly start to relate to all the cheesy love songs. Even Steps "One for sorrow" can bring a tear to the eye! Suddenly, the lyrics to "Tragedy" feel like they were written especially for you - the feeling really is gone *cries*. 

My Advice is NOT to make a playlist of all these weepy inducing songs, but instead make a fierce independent woman playlist of songs which will make you feel strong and happy

I'm not going to lie, as sad as it is Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" was a regular occurrence for me! But it was much better than accidentally putting on some depressing love song that was going to put me on a downer. Avoid the radio and any random spotify playlists for a few weeks if you can.. and get your independent lady playlist on repeat! 

8. Make time to laugh.


Seriously, you might not feel like you'll ever laugh again - but a good idea is to make an effort to find something funny each day. For me I had a whip round friends for their funniest youtube videos, and made another list of funny programmes to watch when I needed a mood boost. Cos it's hard to cry during Family Guy!

Final words of advice 


My final advice for anyone going through a break up is to think of it as a broken leg. When you first fall over after too many tequilas and make the fracture, you know that pain isn't going to go away that moment, or the day after or even for a few weeks.

It will take time to heal and unfortunately that's just not an instant thing, but what you do know is that the pain definitely will go away eventually. People will tell you that time's a great healer and you'll want to smash a clock in their face, but they're absolutely right. Just remember it wont last, and by the end of it you'll come out stronger and so much happier.

YOU'VE GOT THIS!

Keep an eye out to my tips for dating after a long term relationship break up,  coming soon ;)

Gabby xo 

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2 comments

  1. This was so perfectly well said, I love this! You go girl!

    Love, Karina
    Peep my latest post!
    The Lovely Look

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Karina, really glad you liked it :) xo

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